Ive heard of Thursday night weddings, but Tuesday afternoon?!
Writes Natalie:
Im very close with my cousin, so of course I said yes when she asked me to be a bridesmaid earlier this year. She and her groom are teachers and many of their friends and family are, too. To save money, theyre getting married this summeron a Tuesday afternoon. The ceremony rehearsal is on Monday afternoon, followed by a rehearsal dinner at 6 that night. Even though the wedding is local, Id have to take time off to attend the rehearsal and the wedding. I just started a new job, and Im not eligible for vacation yet. Is it crazy to back out of the wedding? Or am I crazy for thinking that a Tuesday afternoon wedding is so not cool?
Heres what I think:
Youre definitely not crazy, Natalie. Any bride whos even considering a nontraditional wedding day or time should give her bridesmaids that heads-up before they sign on to be in the wedding party. But since so many of her wedding guests are teachers, she probably didnt see anything weird about choosing the middle of the day in the middle of the week in the middle of the summer for her wedding date.
Despite her lack of consideration, if it wont cost you your job, dont back out of the weddingyet. It seems like youd have to request off from work on Tuesday at the very least. A new boss, as long as shes reasonable, will let you miss one day, whether or not youre technically eligible to take time off. Two days, though, might be a stretch.
So I think the answer is to talk to the bride, let her know your situation, and apologize that you wont be able to make the wedding ceremony rehearsal. And tell her that you might be late to the rehearsal dinner, too. Yes, wedding ceremony rehearsals are important, but the real thing wont be ruined just because one bridesmaid missed it. Another bridesmaid can fill you in about where youre standing, who youre walking down with, etc. When you break the news to your cousin, ask who the best gal to talk to about your duties would be so she sees youre committed to being a good bridesmaid (and not relying on the bride to guide you on the wedding day).
With any luck, shell understand. I mean, she should–its a Monday afternoon for chrissakes. But if she gets all bridezilla on you, explain that its tough to get a day off when youre new at a job, and youre already requesting off Tuesday. Tell her you dont feel comfortable asking for two days off, so you thought this was a good compromise. Emphasize how excited you are to be there for her on her wedding day, and she should let the rehearsal thing slide. And if she doesnt, then yeah, totally cool to back out at that point.
But have this conversation sooner rather than later since her wedding is right around the corner.
What would you do in Natalies situation? Would you back out? Do you think its necessary for brides to give their bridesmaids an idea of when theyre getting married before they commit to being in the wedding party?
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